It's almost spring! Around this time of year here in northern California,
we are teased with occasional beautiful, sunny days... the kind of days
where you just want to forget all your responsibilities and go outside and "play". Have you ever felt that way?
Oh, we will still have a lot of rain in April (hopefully), and even sometimes snow in May; but the tease lets us know a new season is on the way. The changing seasons also remind us that our pathway through change and loss is dynamic as well. Knowing that Loss has its own seasons and movements can bring hope to heavy hearts. It's important to stay flexible so you are more aware of how to move forward in the transition process.
Play is one of the best ways to keep you flexible. Stuart Brown, M.D. a contemporary American psychiatrist tells us, "Those who play rarely become brittle in the face of stress or lose the healing capacity for humor."
When you have experienced a great loss, it is easy to forget to play. Your body can feel heavy, and playing just doesn't fit the bill! But don't forget that something as simple as being one with nature is a form of play! This can be healing in and of itself. Allow yourself to experience the joy of being outside, smelling the fresh air, watching a ladybug on a leaf, listening to an airplane in the sky, riding a bicycle, walking along the lake skipping stones, and just feeling alive with all the magic of nature that is always around us.
I remember during my initial period of separation from my husband, before the divorce, I was just barely putting one foot in front of the other. Things like making a living and buying food seemed to require so much effort. I was still in the very weepy stage that often caught me by surprise... I mean, the supermarket aisle is really not the best place to find yourself tearing up out of nowhere! My mind was foggy and I was still feeling disoriented and numb. I slept by listening to a tape, "mother god", softly singing to me, letting me know I would be okay.
During this initial phase, the last thing I felt like doing was being outside, or doing anything close to what might be play. I mean, get real! When you experience a significant loss, your first reaction may be numbness, shock, and disbelief as you try to shield yourself from the intense pain. If this is where you are, be gentle with yourself. This period is an important season in your journey. The myriad expressions of grief are a normal reaction to loss. Know that a new season awaits you.
William Bridges refers to the period after a loss-- the grieving period-- as transition. The North American Encarta Dictionary defines transition as a process of change: a process or period in which something undergoes a change and passes from one state, stage, form, or activity to another. Doing the work of grieving moves you forward; it is a new beginning. You are already moving into your new season of life. It is important to know that new possibilities and gifts lie ahead of you.
There are some important things to do during this initial period of loss.
- Make a list of your friends, and contact one each day.
Remember their interest; ask them how they are doing, listen fully to their response.
- Some people find talking with a counselor is tremendously supporting for them.
- Think about one thing you really like doing and get involved with that activity.
- Do something nice for yourself. Get a massage, take a long herbal bath, drink a lot of water.
- Get a pet to encourage your walking and being outdoors
- And finally, be brave... go outside and play.
What do I mean by play? I include everything from watching silly movies, to crafting, to singing, to playing with your kids or grandchildren. Play is anything that lightens your heart, brings a smile to your face or a giggle from deep within. When people learn to play, they not only are happier, but they're also healthier. Play is a gentle way of taking care of yourself, especially during a time of loss and grieving.
Some of you know about my dog, Tank, who came into my life about three months into my own time of grieving. He got me outside day after day. And then one day, on my own, I walked out my front door, and life seemed different. I remember being aware of the wonderful smell of fresh air, of the beauty of trees without leaves, and the sound of singing birds. My season of grieving was shifting. Spring for me was in the air. Is it in the air for you?
"Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities."
Stuart Brown, M.D.
Contemporary American psychiatrist
I would like to challenge you to get out and play.
In the next section, you will find a questionnaire that will help you look at your attitudes toward playing.
www.marlenelockwood.com
Come on, let's get ready to play.
Ask yourself the following questions about your play habits. This section is designed to encourage self-reflection on your play mindset, so that you can better prepare action steps that will help you play.
- What do you do that you consider play, pleasure or an expression of your creativity
- What attitudes do you hold about play and creativity?
- As a child was your play and creativity encouraged? Yes or No
- What / who encourages a sense of humor and laughter in your life?
- What do you do to activate a playful, lighthearted attitude?
| Example |
My Playful Things |
 |
Be with my children and/or grandchildren |
| |
Fly kites |
| |
|
| |
Your turn, check the right choice for you. |
|
My Playful Things |
| |
Be with... (people) |
| |
Do... (activity) |
| |
Participate in... (groups) |
| |
Work... (at) |
| |
Play with... (children or animals) |
| |
Other: |
- Who or what keeps you from experiencing play and creativity?
|
Things that keep me from Play/Creativity |
| |
Myself |
| |
Other People |
| |
Work |
| |
Attitudes |
| |
Time |
| |
Money |
| |
Other: |
- Do you give yourself permission to make lots of mistakes in the process of letting your creativity express itself? Yes or No
- What do you currently do that feels creative, playful, humorous or lighthearted?
- What activities, attitudes, or people would you like to add to your life to express more humor, playfulness or creativity?
Now that you've done some self-reflection on Play, take a moment to review your answers. Are there questions with "no" answers? Did you identify deficient areas? What areas are your strengths?
What and when will you play this month?
Decide on what the right kind of play is for you. It could be indoor or out, by
yourself or with someone, silly or competitive, a new game or old, etc.
Then schedule it into your calendar and make it happen!
Enjoy, and have fun playing. AND, let me know how it went.
(The above questionnaire was adapted from a questionnaire created by Rebecca McLain. She has worked in mind/body, health and wellness coaching since the late 1980s. Her website is www.healthandwellnesscoaching.org )
"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play."
Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher
1844-1900
YOU ARE INVITED:
Come play with us. On May 19, 2009 is the launch of my 6 month Springboard Bootcamp. This bootcamp has been designed especially for those people who have recently experienced a relationship loss.
It takes more than time to heal a broken heart. Help yourself, help others. Come turn your life around.
Become part of a community (teleclass/by phone) to find support during the challenging transition that occurs after a significant loss.
- Are you moving through a challenging time of change?
- Have you recently experienced a relationship loss?
- Are you trying to regain your balance and direction?
- Are you experiencing emotional pain?
- Are you feeling lost and disillusioned?
- Are you fearful of what lies ahead?
In the Springboard Bootcamp, you will form a safe and supportive community with people having similar experiences. You will:
- Learn how to make peace with the past
- Learn to take the steps that will open up new possibilities
- Find support and wisdom in the group
- Be guided to design a life that supports your heart's desire
- Begin to move forward taking the steps to achieve your goals
- Learn how to make this your best year yet!
You will be supported to realize a new, joyful and abundant way of living – regardless of the circumstances. You will be supported fully to claim the new life that is yours for the designing.
Watch for more information being released over the next few weeks. Or, go to my website www.marlenelockwood.com/bootcamp.html for more information and an application.
Testimony:
A year ago, last November; my life was at a "split in the road." I was separated from my husband, I questioned the financial security of my work, I was almost 60 and I had no idea where I was going. The support of the group, Marlene Lockwood's gentle but strong guidance and the weekly meetings became a touchstone of sanity for me. The affirmation of "I am free to create my life in accordance with me spirit", became more than just words. My life has changed completely. Those meetings began a change in me that has not stopped. I am so grateful. Thank you, Marlene.
Love, Elizabeth
Watch for More Information Coming Soon
P.S. I am so delighted to connect with each of you through this Ezine. This is a new challenge for me, but one I take on eagerly. I would enjoy hearing from you. Please give me your suggestions on subjects you are interested in as well as your feedback. coach@marlenelockwood.com
www.marlenelockwood.com
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